You know how they say that when you run a marathon (or do any distance/endurance sport) that somewhere along the way you hit ‘the wall’ and it all suddenly gets a whole lot harder than a minute ago? Well in this scenario my thesis is my marathon and this week I have hit that wall.
Now don’t get me wrong the previous few months haven’t been plain sailing but this week has just been horrible. I’ve found myself just sat looking out the window staring at the garden thinking of, well, nothing. Not to mention the sheer lack of motivation I have right now to keep writing and the apparent inability to get my ideas of of my head onto the page. The number of times I have visualised myself throwing my laptop out the window, well there have been a few.
Then there is the frustration. I’m annoyed at myself for not being able to get more done, I mean there’s no reason why I couldn’t have had almost all of this chapter finished this week instead of the measly 600 or so words I have managed. Ok yes, so that has included quite a bit of reading as well but seriously I think its taken me like 3 hours to read one paper today. What the hell is wrong with me?
Oh and don’t forget the inevitable guilt when I give up for the day or go to the gym to work off some steam and my head is like nope, you can’t do that you haven’t done enough work yet. It’s currently trying to tell me that I don’t deserve to go out later to watch Fantastic Beasts and Where to find them but screw you head I’ve already booked the tickets and I’m going to go and have a good time. Maybe it will even help.
Some people might say this is just writer’s block and everyone goes through this. Fine but I’m still getting ideas for blog posts and well this rant didn’t take very long to construct at all. So I’m calling it a wall as it only seems to be affecting my thesis writing. The one piece of writing I really just want to get finished and be done with. Maybe I’m just putting too much pressure on myself or I’m stressed or burnt out? Or maybe I’m just so ready to move on that lingering here to finish it is becoming harder and harder, my own little vicious circle – great! Just what I needed.
So I am giving up for this week and hoping that spending some time doing something else will mean that come monday I will at least have found something to help me scale the wall if not tear it down.
Apologies for the rant but I already feel a little better so thanks for listening/reading
Until next time…
Feature Image curtesy of PhD Comics